But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and the fruit of good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere.
James 3:17 NLT
Why do we so often hear of “church fights”? I am not talking here so much about the content of these contentions (which may be quite valid) but over the often-rancorous character of these disputes. Why do they so often tend to descend to name-calling and character-assassination?
I suggest that most often the explanation for this situation lies in the heart-condition of the disputants. When a person has not died to his or her self, “the truth” too often becomes “my truth,” and any challenge to it becomes a judgment upon me. My way is the right way because it is mine, and your way is the wrong way because it is yours, and my way must win because I can’t lose.
What does dying to your self entail? It does not mean erasing your unique personality. God made you that way, and he thinks he did a pretty good job. Neither does it mean becoming a milquetoast with no opinions of your own. What it means is the surrender of your self-will, the right to have your own way, the right to assert yourself over others, to dominate them, the right to win at all costs. It means to want Jesus’ way at all costs.
What is Jesus’ way in disputes? Look at James’ words above. Is my heart pure? Is it, so far as I know, all one for Jesus? Or is it a mixture of my way and Jesus’ way? Peace-loving, gentle, yielding? What are those about? They are about being concerned for others, for maintaining fellowship with them. It is about caring for them more than for winning.
But suppose they really are wrong? Aren’t there places where fellowship cannot be maintained? Certainly, there are. But how do we contend for the truth? With raised voices and shaking fists? With attacks on the intelligence, veracity, and moral character of our opponents? No, we do not. We try to explain our opinion as clearly and as forcefully as possible. But we do so with understanding and appreciation for those with opposing views. Central to everything is Jesus’ shocking summary of the Old Testament: treat others as you would have them treat you.
